


Just a little more time

by Achlyz



Category: The Good Doctor (TV 2017)
Genre: A very loNG one-shot, Angst, Angst with Happy ending (?), Everything is still the same but with a hanahaki disease twist, Hanahaki Disease, Hurt and comfort, M/M, This fic wouldn't be this long if Neil and Shaun just talked about their feelings, author regrets everything, hanahaki disease au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-27
Updated: 2020-05-27
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:34:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24403657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Achlyz/pseuds/Achlyz
Summary: Shaun is living the life he knows that he deserves, he has a lot of friends and lot of people who supports him, he has a father figure who guides him, and he has someone who he truly loves. Shaun was just fine to be just near him, to see him and to be able to love him. Shaun is contented with what they have, but apparently fate wasn't. Because he suddenly develop the infamous hanahaki disease and well, Shaun thinks that life is truly unfair to him.
Relationships: Neil Melendez/Shaun Murphy
Comments: 19
Kudos: 109





	Just a little more time

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Nika2804](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nika2804/gifts).



**I’m very sorry in advance, but honestly right from the start since writing fan fictions, all of my stories from different fandom are all angst and no fluff. This fic was written to test if I can still write a good angst hahaha. So I hope you enjoy this one-shot** **;)**

**BTW this is a Hanahaki disease AU, I hope I can give this AU some justice. If this somehow got a positive response, I might make another ending to this fic or another story who knows.**

**ALSO I’m so happy that I get to put my favourite song within this fic, please listen to it during that part, it is titled “Closer You and I” By Gino Padilla **

**This ending was chosen by Nika2804  so feel free to blame her for everything you are about to read :D I gave her three choices for the ending, an angst one, a happy one, and a bittersweet one. What you are about to read is the one she choose :D**

**NOTES!**

**Shaun is currently a 3 rd year resident at this fic **

**Neil and Jessica dated but broke up so they never got engage in this fic**

**Fun fact: I’m secretly a JaredxShaun shipper, soooooooo (jk** **😉** **)**

~o~oOo~o~

_“How can something so beautiful can kill you slowly and painfully?”_

Shaun stared at the small albeit beautiful flower in his palm. He knows that this beautiful flower is killing him slowly, but he can’t bring himself to hate it not when he knows who this flower symbolizes. _A_ _Hollyhock flower._ 6 months ago, out of nowhere, it started in a small cough that produces a petal from the now fully blossomed flower that he is currently holding. Shaun knows what this symbolizes, what _it truly means_ to have a seemingly harmless looking flower come out of you. _Hanahaki disease_ is what they call this phenomenon that is unfortunately quite common.

Up until in the modern era, with the advancement of technologies and medicines, there are still no scientific reasons on how, when and why the hanahaki disease occurs. Some say that the disease is there to make sure people find their true love, some say it’s the way of the old Gods to punish someone, to teach them a lesson that you can love someone with all your life but they won’t love you back. But truly, from someone who has the disease, you can’t say whether it is a _blessing_ or simply a _curse_.

“Another one Shaun?” Shaun was startled by the sudden question that came from behind him. As he looked back he could see Aaron staring at him with a look that Shaun is all too familiar now, _sadness_. “I’m worried for you Shaun, please at least reconsider having the surgery” Aaron slowly said as he walks towards Shaun. Aaron glanced at the dark red hollyhock flower at the palms of Shaun, _it truly is beautiful_ Aaron thought.

“I will not have the surgery” Shaun said with such conviction that Aaron is now unfortunately used to. “Do you know what a hollyhock flower symbolizes?” Shaun asked as he opened the drawer in front of him, a drawer that contains two dark red hollyhock flowers staring at him as if it were mocking him, saying that he only has a limited time before the flowers growing inside him kills him.

Aaron watched as Shaun’s mood shifts as he carefully stores the new fully blossomed flower inside the bedside drawer in his room. Shaun didn’t wait for Aaron’s reply knowing how the old man felt in his current predicament, not that Shaun can blame him.

“It means **ambition** ” Shaun looked at Aaron, a small yet painful smile is seen in his face. Aaron wanted to cry at Shaun’s current expression right now, he swallowed an imaginary lump in his throat as he waits for Shaun to continue talking, knowing fully well where this conversation is headed to. Shaun averted his gaze in order to look at something other than Aaron, because he knows, he is hurting as much as Shaun is hurting right now. “It truly suits him you know? After all, If I could describe him in just one word, ambitious would be the only acceptable and fitting word to describe him.” Shaun finds it ironic, ironic in a sense that _maybe that word fits him too_ after all he **is** currently a surgical resident at a hospital despite having autism; his **ambition** to prove everyone wrong made him what he is today.

“Shaun I-“ Aaron couldn’t even finish what he was going to say as Shaun suddenly spun around to hug him, Shaun rarely initiate physical contact with literally anyone. So when he does, it truly means he _needs this_ , and maybe Aaron needed this too. He could feel Shaun slightly tremble in his arms

“I’m scared” Aaron felt his eyes water up at the simple statement that Shaun has whispered to him. He held back his tears, knowing that Shaun needs someone he could rely on, and Aaron would make sure he gets it from him _after all no parent would want to see their child scared of something that they have no control over_. If Aaron could, he would protect Shaun until his final breath, so it scares him that there will be a chance that Shaun would leave him first. Aaron would rather die than to outlive another one of his child.

“I’m here for you Shaun, we would think of something okay? Just hold on a little longer” Aaron whispered back as he felt Shaun’s tear in his shoulder where Shaun’s face is currently buried. Shaun didn’t give any verbal respond, but rather he gave a simple nod as he hugs Aaron tighter, as if he is scared that Aaron would leave.

Aaron would never leave Shaun, and he would make sure that Shaun wouldn’t leave him either, not when he could do something about it. If only Shaun would tell him who is causing him so much pain, then maybe Aaron could truly help him.

~o~oOo~o~

After the night’s fiasco, another day has passed since Shaun began coughing a full hollyhock flower rather than its petals. He knows want it means, when you start to cough up a whole flower it would only be a matter of time before the disease starts to kill you. Shaun knows how worried Aaron is for him, it’s been approximately 6 months since he started coughing up petals up until he started coughing a full blossomed flower just a month ago. No one knows other than Aaron that he currently has this disease, after all Shaun can’t bring himself to tell his friends that he could potentially die simply because he _can’t_ , he won’t do the surgery.

‘Because if I do get the surgery, I won’t just forget my feelings for Neil, I would also forget anything that is about him’ Shaun thought as he leans his forehead into his locker at the resident’s locker room. Shaun knows that what he is doing to himself is stupid and highly irrational, he knows this but…

“How could I get myself to forget you if you gave me so much to remember?” Shaun whispered to himself as he lifts his head and instead leaned his back into his locker.

It’s been 3 years since he started working in St. Bonaventure, gone where the old times where he would need to work himself so hard just to prove that he is worthy to stay in the hospital, to be a surgeon. Looking back, Shaun is proud to say that his life became ultimately better, better than what he imagined. He became friends with all of his fellow resident, who loves him back if not equally, loves him more than he loves them. Doctors, staffs, nurses all looked past him now as someone who _is just_ autistic, but he could see their looks at him, they look at him like how they look at any other person now, _with respect and admiration_. The board including Marcus _loves_ him too much simply because after every sponsorship he attends, the very next day they would receive cash and equipment donations to those who got the chance to speak with him. And now, if you told Shaun years ago that he would fall in love with someone, he would simply dismiss them saying that falling in love wouldn’t be a beneficial skills he would need to be a good doctor.

So yes, his life is better than when he first started here. Shaun likes to sometimes reminisce when he first started working under the supervision of Neil, he would admit that his relationship with Neil right from the very start was rough, as the man treated him differently just because _he is_ different. Because of that, he worked so hard to prove him wrong. Wrong in the sense that _yes_ he is different but that just makes him unique. _Neil made him a better person simply because Neil indirectly challenged him to prove him that he is wrong about Shaun_. After the first year, he could see that Neil truly changed his opinion about him, upon realizing his wrong impression in Shaun he change how he treated him. As of now, he could truly say that Neil and him are very close friends, closer than what relationship he has with other residents.

Shaun was fine with being friends with Neil, the occasional eating together at the cafeteria during breaks, when Neil would drive him home when a surgery would make them leave the hospital _very late_ , the times where Shaun would sleepover at Neil’s house because they are working on something that would require _hours_ and well Neil isn’t fond of his office that’s why he would offer Shaun to stay the night in his house so they could discuss it early in the morning, the small but genuine smile Neil would send his ay after every successful but stressful surgery, the _simple praise_ of Neil that would make Shaun smile throughout the whole day. That’s when he realized that he developed _feelings_ for Neil. Even the other residents can see their friendship as a good thing _for the both of them_. Shaun recalled a particular memory he had with Morgan.

~o~oOo~o~

_Shaun was sitting in one of the cafeteria’s table, just having finished eating lunch with Neil who had to leave early after eating because he was called by Marcus. After bidding each other farewell, Neil left and Shaun was now alone in the cafeteria table. That is until Morgan sat in front of him, with a tray that contains what her lunch probably is._

_“Hello Shaun, did you already eat?” Morgan asked as she set down the tray. He and Morgan from the start didn’t get along very well, but now that Morgan has changed for the better, Shaun could truly appreciate her as one of his close female friends._

_“Yes, Dr. Melendez and I just finished having lunch, but he unfortunetly has to go because Dr. Andrews needed him in his office.” Shaun answered as he looks at Morgan who is currently chewing on her salad. It took a while before Morgan was able to answer Shaun back, because Morgan knows that Shaun hates it when people talk when they have food in their mouth._

_“Can I ask you something Shaun?” Morgan then proceeded to uncap her water bottle, she took a sip as Shaun nodded his head yes not giving any verbal response “Are you and Dr. Melendez dating?”_

_Shaun blinked rapidly at her question, he stared at Morgan’s unbothered face as is she just didn’t ask an awful personal question to him. Upon realizing that he was just staring at her Shaun slowly opened his mouth to simply reply “No, Dr. Melendez and I are not dating. We are just friends.”_

_Morgan looked at him, a look that he can’t describe the meaning behind it. Morgan returned her gazed to her salad that is in front of her. After a beat of silence between the two of them Morgan spoke up “It’s just that… you look different when you are with him. Different in a good way, like you look so happy and contented whenever you and Dr. Melendez are in the same room. It’s a good look for the both of you.”_

_Shaun just looked at her as she finishes her salad. He wanted to ask, but can’t bring himself to. He saw Morgan fixing the now empty container into the tray as she takes slow sips in her water bottle. Morgan then caps up her water bottle as she looks at Shaun directly in the eyes, a small but sincere smile decorating her lips “You should be honest with you feelings Shaun, if anyone deserves to be happy. It would undoubtedly be you”_

_Before Shaun could question her, she stood up. Seemingly saying that the conversation is over and that it is up to Shaun whether or not he would ponder about it a little longer. “Well then break time is over Shaun, come on we need to do some paper week that are due next week.”_

_Shaun also stood up to follow her out of the cafeteria, their conversation replaying in his mind over and over again._

_A week after, he began coughing up small petals._

~o~oOo~o~

A dry tickling cough interrupted his line of thoughts, as he managed to ride out the cough with the pain he was feeling, he spat out another hollyhock flower. Still the same color and same size as the other three he has at home. Shaun can’t feel but admire the hollyhock flower in his palm, its dark red color its truly magnificent, above further looking, he noticed that the one of the petals are wet. The moment he touched the wet petal, he looked at his finger and noticed a small amount of blood in his finger. Shaun looked at his finger then at the flower alarmingly, since the hollyhock flower is in deep shade of red, almost the color of _blood_ , you can’t really see if it’s the true color of the flower or simply that Shaun is now also _coughing up_ small traces of blood along with the flower.

Shaun could feel his finger tremble at the fact that, he is nearing the final stage of the disease. Shaun knows as a doctor, he would be lucky if he would have _months_ before the diseases kills him. Shaun is so absorbed at his own thoughts that he didn’t notice the locker room’s door open. He didn’t register another presence not until the presence suddenly speak up, voice laced with a hint of surprise and disbelief

“S-Shaun..?”

Shaun slowly looked up from his gaze in the bloodied flower in his palm. Shaun knows there is no amount of lying that would save him the grief of explaining that he has the hanahaki disease, not when he is holding the evidence that would truly state otherwise.

“Hello Jared”

Jared looked at Shaun then at the flower in Shaun’s palm repeatedly as if he is convincing himself that what he is seeing isn’t true, _that what he is seeing in front of him is merely an illusion._ After a few minutes of tense silences between the two of them, Jared finally has the courage to speak “How long?”

Shaun was surprised at the tone Jared is currently using, for someone who can see that someone is dying in front of him, Jared is surprisingly calm. Shaun appreciated him for that, after all one of them needs to be at least calm and Shaun is sure that if Jared didn’t show up the moment he coughed up the hollyhock flower that has blood in it, his anxiety would flare up causing him to spiral and eventually have a breakdown in the locker room no less. “6 months ago”

“Shaun” Jared didn’t need to finish what he was going to say, because Shaun where this conversation would head to, after all he had this conversation with Aaron thousands of times already that Shaun could probably recite it even in his sleep.

“I won’t have the surgery” Shaun then once again opened his locker, so he could store the hollyhock flower so he could bring it home after his shift. But before he could put the flower inside, Jared gently touched Shaun’s hand that is holding the flower. Shaun looked at Jared questionably.

“Might I?”

Shaun knows what Jared wants, so he gently placed the hollyhock flower in Jared’s palm. He observed that Jared is looking at the flower with such admiration. “What is this flower called? If you don’t mind me asking”

“It’s a hollyhock flower” Shaun answered as Jared gently returned the flower into Shaun’s palm. Shaun then carefully stored the flower in his locker. After making sure that his locker is now lock, he turned his attention back to Jared who is looking at him with eyes that conveys understanding “The hollyhock flower symbolizes ambition.”

It is then when Shaun determined that Jared is slowly piecing everything together. Who the flower was referring to, _who exactly_ is Shaun giving up his life to.

“It’s Dr. Melendez, isn’t it?” Shaun could only nod in respond, Shaun is amazed that Jared could easily say _who is it_. Because up until now Aaron still can’t figure out who Shaun’s love is. Maybe Jared was able to easily tell who is it because he could see the two of them interact with each other, inside and outside the hospital bounds, whereas Aaron could only see them inside the hospital settings.

Jared gave him a small smile “I’m not going to tell you to have the surgery, because I know that it will be purely your decision Shaun. But I’m going to tell you that you should at least try to tell Dr. Melendez how you feel”

“Telling him what I feel would not change anything. Simply because I know that he wouldn’t return my feelings” Shaun knows that he should at least feel sad at the fact, but he couldn’t bring himself to. Instead he feels acceptance, he accepts that it’s okay that Neil wouldn’t return his feelings, he just wants to be with Neil even as friends _because that’s more than enough for Shaun._ Being able to see Neil every day, to be with him in the same room, to be able to talk to him, to eat with him every day, that’s more than enough for Shaun. He knows he can’t be selfish, _because he isn’t_. Neil’s happiness is Shaun’s happiness, even if it means he’ll die. That’s strangely okay for Shaun, because forgetting about Neil would be the same as dying anyways. So he can’t have the surgery, _he just can’t. If dying is the only way Shaun could express his unconditional love for Neil, then Shaun is willing to die._

Jared can’t help himself as he saw Shaun’s expression right now. He gently engulfed Shaun into a hug, Jared wants to be angry. He is frustrated because he knows that Shaun doesn’t deserve anything that is currently happening to him right now. Jared is furious at the thought that Shaun is willing to die for someone, when Shaun himself has so much to live for, _has so much more to prove for_. Life is unfair, Jared knows this, he just can’t believe that he would witness first hand just how the world is truly unfair. Jared has to hold back his own tears as he feels Shaun hugs him back.

“Please, at least consider telling him Shaun. What if he also feels the same? You don’ have to die for him Shaun, you don’t have to die for him to prove or at least convey how much he means to you. You could also do that while living Shaun, so live Shaun. For your own sake”

He could feel Shaun tighten his arms around him, as if seeking comfort. And if this the only way Jared could give Shaun the sense of comfort, he would gladly give it to him. Shaun became one of the most important people amongst all of them. So it personally hurts Jared to see Shaun hurting, he wants to be angry at himself even though he rationally knows that he _can’t_ do anything to help Shaun, without betraying Shaun’s trust in him. It angers Jared that _he knows_ he cold march up to Neil and just bluntly tell him that Shaun is _dying_ for him… but he is scared that Shaun would hate him for it, Shaun would hate him for _interfering_. Jared Kalu is a coward, and now he knows.

~o~oOo~o~

After talking to someone about what he is currently feeling, Shaun feels lighter. But he also feels bad because he knows the burden he put n Jared, but Jared just assures him that he would be there to support him and that he could rely on him about anything. Shaun is thankful to have a friend like him. Jared also tried to convince him to tell the other residents about his disease, but Shaun didn’t want to. He wouldn’t want him to carry his own burden with them, he knows that his friends would say otherwise but Shaun wants this for himself. Shaun knows he is being irrational but strangely, he is also okay with that.

The moment they both left the locker room, Shaun knows that he has to tell Aaron about what happen in the locker room. There is no cure in the hanahaki disease but there is a medicine that you can inject yourself to slow down the disease and also to help relieve the pain, but Shaun knows the side effect of the medicine is not pleasant. It would make him feel weak and tired, and in his profession he can’t risk other patients because of his incompetency. It’s unfortunate that you can only inject yourself with the medicine when you are in the final stage of the disease, not when you developed it early on. So Shaun is currently debating whether or not to take the medicine. And he knows that if Aaron finds out about his decision the older man would most likely fight him with it. Shaun knows that Aaron greatly cares for him, and Shaun appreciate Aaron for it. He just wished that Aaron would understand him, on why he _can’t_ have the surgery. Because Shaun is simply tired of fighting with Aaron about it.

Shaun is thankful for Jared; he was glad that Jared was the one who found out, out of the all residents. Jared was the one who offered to buy him the medicine as to not raise suspicion amongst the hospital staff, because Shaun knows that it would create a stir if somehow _he is the one_ buying them. Jared assured him that no one will know and it will only stay between the two of them because that’s what Shaun wants. So they both agreed to meet up at lunch so that Shaun could start taking the medicine. Jared also promised him to help him ride out the side effects that comes with the medicine that he would inject himself, Shaun is truly thankful for him. Both of them parted ways because they were assigned to different cases, Shaun and Alex is to assist Neil in a surgery that will take place in the afternoon while Jared, Claire and Morgan was assigned to ER work.

He met up with Alex in the cafeteria, it’s still fairly early so it’s no surprise that the cafeteria isn’t crowded with staffs. As Shaun entered the cafeteria he immediately saw Alex waving at him

“Good morning Shaun” Alex greeted him as Shaun sat down right in front of him, taking the vacant chair that is in front of Alex. “How are you today?”

“I’m… fine” Shaun answered, Alex raised his eyebrow at him knowing that something is bothering Shaun, Alex could clearly see that Shaun is tensed. He doesn’t know exactly _why_ but he knows Shaun by know. And something is clearly bothering him. Alex didn’t had the chance to question Shaun, as Neil suddenly entered the cafeteria look cool and calm as ever. Alex saw the moment Shaun spotted Neil that his facial expression softens and the tension he had has suddenly vanished like it never existed in the first place. Alex looked at Shaun knowingly, he knows that the younger resident has feelings for Neil, it’s just easy to see. And as far as Alex could observe, maybe Shaun’s feelings aren’t one sided as well. Now if only he could do something about it.

As Neil approaches the table Shaun can’t help but relax the moment he saw Neil entered the cafeteria. Neil offered the both of them a smile “Good morning to the both of you, I hope the two of you will be ready for the surgery that is scheduled for this afternoon.” Neil sat down in one of the vacant chair in the table that Alex and Shaun is currently occupying. “But before all of that…” Neil suddenly looks at Shaun “Did you already eat Shaun? “

“Why are you not asking me too Dr. Melendez? Is Shaun your favourite resident?” Alex teasingly asked as he watches Neil turn his attention to him, looking at him with an impassive expression

“I could clearly see an unfinished sandwich in front of you Alex, that and the crumbs all over your coat”

“Hey how do you know it’s not Shaun’s? Maybe before you came along we switched places therefore this sandwich in front of me was actually Shaun’s not mine? And these crumbs came from Shaun? Cause I don’t know Shaun put it in my coat?”

Shaun laughed softly before adding “That’s right Dr. Melendez, maybe Alex and I have switched places before you came.” Shaun frowned ever so slightly but you can still see the amusement in his eyes “Though I wouldn’t throw crumbs at you Alex”

Neil is all too familiar now by how his residents would make his life harder than it already is, but Neil wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. It took him 2 years to build a relationship between him and his residents, not just as a supervisor but as _friends_. And Neil’s life significantly became easier and better knowing that all of his 5 residents could count on him, and Neil knows it goes both ways.

Neil cleared his throat before talking “First of all that sandwich has pickles on it therefore I could easily deduced that that wasn’t Shaun’s food choice.” Neil said s he pointed out the single pickle that is sticking out of the sandwich “Second as Shaun already mentioned, he wouldn’t thrown crumbs at you Alex, we all know that. It would be believable if you are the one throwing crumbs at Shaun not the other way around” Neil ignored Alex’s shout of ‘ _hey I’m not that rude’_ “Lastly today is Friday which only means that Shaun would eat pancakes not sandwich, he would only eat sandwich during Monday and Wednesday during breakfast, while having rice during Tuesday’s and Thursday’s while every Friday is pancake day.”

Alex looked at Neil with a surprised expression in his face while Shaun looks delighted by the fact Neil knows him too well “H-how do you know all of that? Actually no, the real question is, are you stalking your residents? That’s the only explanation I could have on why you know Shaun’s breakfast meals.” Alex actually has the _audacity_ to look horrified

Neil stops himself as to not face palm his self at the accusation that he is a stalker instead he said “I just know Shaun, but really I don’t care what you all eat during breakfast” Neil said dryly at Alex

“Aww I know you love us all equally Dr. Melendez” Alex said with such sarcasm that it made Shaun smile , this time though Neil rolled his eyes at Alex before turning his attention once again at Shaun “I’ll be back with your food, my treat since I kind of owned you because you helped me the other day” Before Shaun could protest that Neil doesn’t have to do that, Neil was gone. Instead of feeling irritated, Shaun feels warm at the thought that Neil knows him too well that he left without letting Shaun talk because he knows that he would just protest.

Alex observed Shaun’s expression as Shaun continues to look at Neil’s retreating figure until Neil is in front of the cashier presumably ordering. “That’s good look on you Shaun”

Shaun as startled by the sudden statement, Alex just gave Shaun a soft smile “Continue having that look on you Shaun, you deserve it more than anyone else”

Shaun can’t stop thinking that Alex’s statement is _eerily_ similar to Morgan’s. But unlike before when Morgan told him that, this time Shaun knows his feelings for Neil. Shaun just gave Alex a confused look, confused that maybe he and Morgan are talking about him and his feelings for Neil but as Alex softy chuckled at Shaun, Shaun realized that Alex could just easily see it too like Jared and Morgan did.

Neil returned with a tray in his hands, he sat down as he hands Shaun his own food, Shaun was about to open his mouth to say something but didn’t get a chance since Neil looked at him and handed him a single piece of fresh green apple. Shaun suddenly smiled at Neil, in which the other returned “Pancakes are not nutritious enough, that’s why you eat it together with a fruit to balance it out” Neil stated as he looks at Shaun knowingly, like _he knows all about Shaun_ and that’s why he didn’t need to tell Neil anything.

Shaun wordlessly look at the apple that Neil handed him. While looking at the apple, Neil and Alex started talking about possibly about the surgery they would have to do today, but Shaun can’t focus on the topic the two of them are currently talking about. Rather he could only avert his gaze from the apple to Neil as he saw the other man laugh at Alex’s statement. Shaun then and there thought… ‘ _I won’t let my feelings for you go away, and I’m sure that no matter what happens… I’ll still continue to love you even from afar_. _It’s okay for us to be not together, I’m contented to just have you in my life, as an inspiration to be better’_

It’s a bittersweet feeling to have, but Shaun wouldn’t have it in any other way. And it’s no surprise that he is okay with that. _He is okay with that_.

~o~oOo~o~

“How would you know if you truly love someone?”

Neil chuckled silently; at this point he is so used to Shaun asking question at random times _at random settings_. Currently the three of them are operating on a patient, and while Neil appreciates silence during surgery, he loves the classic chatter among them especially if the surgery is nearing the end. Right now all they need to do is stitch up the patient, it was a successful surgery. Realizing that he never answered Shaun, Neil ponders for a moment before answering “If you are willing to do anything for them, even if it means hurting yourself in the process of doing so.”

Alex hummed before giving his own opinion, knowing that Shaun is also waiting for an answer “If you put their happiness above yours”

Shaun looked at the both of them appreciating the fact that he got informative answers from the both of them. When Shaun didn’t say anything, Neil felt the need to ask “Why Shaun? Do you have someone you love?”

Alex is so sure that if he were drinking something at the moment he would choke on it _“Is it really happening? Are these two seriously going to admit their feelings for each other?”_ Alex thought, as he looks down at their patient he can’t help but add _“Right in the middle of a surgery no less!”_ Technically they are about to finish the surgery but honestly… _“This is so an unromantic way to declare your love for someone”_ But seriously Alex can’t help but laughed a little because if _Shaun Murphy and Neil Melendez_ manage to be together right as they are about to finish _stitching someone up_ then maybe he could declare his love to anyone in _literally_ any places in the world.

Shaun darted his eyes towards Alex as he heard him laugh though he chooses not to comment for the sake of answering Neil “I…” Shaun knows that it isn’t like him to hesitate when answering but he can’t help himself “There is…someone I like”

Alex cough a little as Neil suddenly looked at Shaun with an expression he can’t quite see because of the glasses and face mask that is currently covering Neil’s half face, though Shaun could see his eyes widen a little at his statement. “But it doesn’t matter, they won’t like me back, but that’s okay for me” Shaun added after a while of silence

“How can you be so sure that they don’t like you back Shaun?” Alex asked, fully aware that Neil would also like to ask the very same question. Shaun looked at Alex then back at Neil

“I just know” Shaun didn’t feel like justifying his answer or even giving a further explanation, he just left it at that. Neil knows that Shaun wouldn’t provide them a proper explanation, but Neil had the urge to say what he thinks anyway “Well then Shaun, it’s their lost if they can’t like you the way you like them” Neil answered with so much sincerity in his voice that Shaun _almost_ believes him. He almost believes Neil that _maybe_ it is worth the risk to tell Neil what he feels. _Just maybe…_

“What about you Shaun? How can you say that you love someone?” Alex asked as he is curious what brought this topic on in the first place.

“If you are willingly to… keep the pain for yourself. If you are willing to die for the sake of keeping what the two of you already have, simply because you are happy… _contented_ even to what you have right now the connection the two of you share and that you are scared that if you can somehow change it, you will somehow lose it.”

Neil and Alex shared the same surprised look on their face as they heard Shaun’s statement, they weren’t expecting such an honest but hurtful answer to come out of Shaun when it comes to the person Shaun loves.

Neil swallowed an imaginary lump in his throat as he tried to compose himself before saying “You must surely love them, don’t you Shaun” Neil doesn’t know why that came out as a statement rather than a question as he intended to.

Neil must have been imagining it but, he swears he could see Shaun’s eyes suddenly pool up with little bit of tears, _or maybe that’s just the reflection of the glasses they are wearing_. Shaun looked at Neil with such conviction in his eyes that Neil could feel his breath knocked out of him because of the _intensity that Shaun’s blue eyes held_ as Shaun mumbled out his answer

“More than _he_ knows”

Neil knows it’s not right to feel what he is currently feeling but _“What I wouldn’t give to be the person you are talking about now Shaun”_ Neil thinks it’s not right but _he is hopeful…_

_That maybe Shaun likes him back_

~o~oOo~o~

It’s been a long and tiring day especially since Shaun has a full schedule up until the end of his shift. After the surgery with Neil and Alex, Shaun met up with Jared in the locker rooms as the other man handed him three sealed syringes that contains colorless fluid inside them. Jared knows he doesn’t need to tell Shaun when to administer the medicine but Jared still told him, Shaun could clearly see the way Jared looked at him worriedly; Shaun just assured Jared that he would administer the medicine in the proper way.

After Shaun’s shift when he arrived at Aaron’s home, he wasn’t surprise to see the older man isn’t home yet. He knows that Aaron is being held late at the hospital due to some meeting that he needed to attend to. Shaun owns his own apartment, due to his salary he could afford to live alone. But when Aaron learned about his condition, Aaron begged Shaun to stay with him so that he could monitor and take care of Shaun while they figure out what to do with his disease.

As he was about to finish cooking dinner their dinner, Shaun experienced another dry and tickling sensation in his throat that he is now familiar, and he wasn’t wrong either after waves of painful cough, he is now holding another hollyhock flower in his palm, now more bloodied than what he coughed up earlier in the locker rooms. Leaving the kitchen, Shaun went to the bathroom to look himself at the mirror and to wash the blood that is decorating the already dark red in color flower. Shaun wiped out the remaining blood that has trickled down his mouth into his chin; he gently proceeds to wash the flower under the running water. Shaun watched as blood comes off the flower until the water turned crystal clear once more. Before Shaun left the bathroom he grabbed the first aid kit and then he went upstairs in to his temporary room in Aaron’s home; he opened the drawer and gently places the flower inside of it.

Shaun went downstairs to retrieve the medicine inside his bag; he opened one of the sealed syringe out of its packaging. After inserting the needle that was included in the packaging, he placed the first aid kit in the table in front of him. Shaun took out a cotton ball as he dabbed it with alcohol. He then gently disinfect his arm, then he proceeds to inject himself with the medicine. After watching the fluid disappear from the syringe he gently took out the injection he then placed a transparent band-aid over it. Shaun could already feel himself feeling better albeit tired. The pain from earlier becoming a bit dull as he could already feel the medicine working.

Shaun heard the front door open, he didn’t bother hiding the mess he made in the living room because Shaun knows that Aaron _needs_ to know this. “Good evening Aaron”

When Aaron entered the living room he was surprise to see the first aid kit on the table, worriedly he closes the distance between him and where Shaun is currently sitting on the couch. Aaron felt dread as he saw the empty syringe in Shaun’s hands, Aaron _knows_ of course how can he not? After all that’s the last thing Aaron wanted to see Shaun is using.

“Oh Shaun” Aaron softy gasped as he sit beside Shaun, he gently removes the syringe and places in on the table in front of them. “Please… please reconsider please”

Shaun hated seeing Aaron this way “I _can’t_ ”

Aaron looks like he wanted to cry but held back the tear knowing that he needed to be strong for Shaun “You are dying Shaun, please don’t do this to me” Aaron knows he is being selfish right now, but if being selfish gets to mean that Shaun would live, then Aaron would gladly be selfish for the sake of Shaun

Shaun gently held Aaron’s hands, he looked straight at Aaron’ eyes “I’m sorry Aaron but… I… I _can’t_ lose him I… just can’t please understand me”

Aaron widens his eyes as Shaun finally reveals something about the person he loves, and Aaron isn’t completely oblivious. He knows _who_ Shaun is referring to “How about we make a deal Shaun?”

“A… a deal?”

Aaron grips Shaun’s hands gently as he made Shaun look at him in the eyes “If… if Neil doesn’t returned your feelings by the time it’s too late for you to decide whether to have the surgery… let me. Let me decide for the sake of yourself, when it’s not too late, you will have the surgery under my own decision”

Aaron felt Shaun’s hands trembles ever so slightly, Aaron knows that Shaun would fight him to death. But this is the fight that Aaron wouldn’t let Shaun _ever_ win. “Shaun, I know… I really know that you are happy and contented with what you have with Neil. And that you are scared because you don’t want anything to change it. But Shaun when you… when you die… isn’t it the same as changing what you have with Neil?”

Shaun’s eyes widen as he let the statement sink within himself. “Do you think that Neil would ever be the same if he learned that you died? Do you think that your friends would ever accept the fact that you are gone simply because you choose not to? Please Shaun, don’t make me go through losing another child. Please… please don’t do this to me…”

Aaron knows… _he knows_ how unfair it is to tell Shaun all of this. He knows that Shaun would do anything not to hurt the people that surrounds him, Aaron knows Shaun’s weakness, but Aaron didn’t think that he would be using it one day against Shaun.

After a while of tense silence, Shaun averted his gaze from Aaron. Aaron patiently waited, he hope that Shaun would somehow _agree_ to what he is planning. “I… I don’t want to forget about Neil” Shaun admitted as tears gently trickled down his eyes. Aaron felt his heart broke when he saw Shaun hurting

“You would forget about him Shaun yes. But… it’s better that way.” Aaron hugs Shaun as he felt the younger man melts in the hug “Who is to say Shaun, you would forget him, all the memories you have with him, all about him and who he is but… even if your brain would forget him, what if not in your heart Shaun? If you really love Neil, who is to say you won’t love him _again_? You loved him even when he showed you his bad side, even though he treated you harshly, so how could you say that your heart would forget him or at least tries to remember what you had for him? **It’s hard to forget someone who gave you so much to remember** Shaun, I hope you know that.”

Shaun was the first one to end the hug between the two of them, and when he did, Aaron could see Shaun’s decision even before he could say it.

“Okay”

A simple word of confirmation but Aaron feels like he could freely breathe again.

~o~oOo~o~

It’s been a week since he started injecting himself with the medicine; so far the medicine is working perfectly fine. The pain has dulled but in exchange that Shaun feels so tired and drained even though he knows he is getting adequate rest ever day. The other residents are starting to catching up that something is wrong with him, even Neil would sometimes ask him what he is feeling out of nowhere. They could see him sleeping rather than his usual routine that every time he is on a short break he would read medical journals. Sometimes Jared would wordlessly let Shaun sleep a little longer and he would take the patients of Shaun for that hour just so he could let the younger resident rest a little bit longer.

“Once again Jared?” Claire pointedly ask Jared as the two of them walk towards one of their patients in the ER, Claire knows that Shaun _is the one_ who is supposed to be with her when checking the patient’s vitals and charts.

“Shaun is… sleeping in the call-room” Jared said as he reads the chart that Claire handed him the moment he told her that he would be taking Shaun’s hour shift for today.

“I know that, we all know that.” Claire said frustration evident in her voice “Is there something wrong with Shaun that we don’t know about? He always… looks so tired. Is he overworking himself Jared?”

Jared winced at her words, Jared completely knows how much Claire cares for Shaun, and they _all_ care about Shaun that even Morgan is starting to get concerned about the wellbeing of Shaun. “Just… let him be Claire, maybe he didn’t get enough sleep” Jared hates lying, but if it’s for Shaun, he would gladly tell every bullshit excuse he could think of just to keep Shaun’s secret safe within him.

Claire just continued to look at Jared, she knows that there is more to this than what they are seeing in the surface. Claire has this unsettling feeling that Jared _knows_ something.

She just doesn’t know _what_ Jared is hiding _and why_ is Jared lying to all of them.

~o~oOo~o~

Neil knows that something isn’t right with Shaun. If Neil could recall, he could pinpoint that Shaun’s unsettling behaviour started exactly a week ago. But every time Neil would ask Shaun, the younger resident would just assure him that he is fine, fine but a _little_ _bit_ tired. Neil can’t help himself but be worried for Shaun, he tried to think of different reasons on what is wrong with Shaun, _is he giving Shaun too much workload? Is Shaun over working himself again?_ Neil honestly thinks that he would not forgive himself if something happens to Shaun if it’s his fault. Neil is seriously debating talking to Aaron about Shaun, he is willing to swallow his pride and just go march up to Aaron’s office. _Except_ what would he say to Aaron? How exactly would Neil talk to Aaron about Shaun without giving away his true feelings for Shaun in the process? That’s the only thought stopping Neil from taking to Aaron, Neil knows that Aaron considers Shaun as his child, so Aaron would no doubt see right through Neil’s feelings for Shaun. And _he can’t let that happen_ , what if Aaron would be against the two of them being together? What if Aaron uses his power and authority over them and… _separates_ the two of them?

Neil would rather lose his job than to lose _Shaun_. Neil is completely aware of his growing love for Shaun, it is the fact that he long ago accepted. The moment he got over his prejudice over Shaun, Neil truly appreciated Shaun as an individual. And well… _Shaun is amazing_ , not just as a doctor but _as a person_. It was not hard to love him, especially when they started getting real close with one another, Neil can’t exactly know when he started to _seek out Shaun’s presence_ so much. But Neil knows… _he loves Shaun more than he loved any partner that he had, including Jessica_.

If only Neil would have the courage to tell Shaun how he feels for him, _how he truly feels_ _for him_. But Neil is afraid of scaring Shaun with the intensity of how much Neil _loves_ to be with him, to call Shaun _his and only his_. To date him, to hug him, to held his hands and lace it together with his own, to feel Shaun’s lips against him, and to look at Shaun’s eyes every day for the rest of his life. _If only he would have the courage to make Shaun **his** , _how he would love and cherish Shaun with every cell in his body. How Neil would gladly give out all of his life to make Shaun happy every single day.

Neil looks at the files and chart in front of him, the growing paperworks in his desk as he can’t bring himself to finish some of them. One particular chart caught his eyes; _ah_ this one has the infamous hanahaki disease. The disease that makes people cough up flowers that would kill them if not removed via surgery or if the person they love, loves them back. There is an ongoing debate whether if you have the hanahaki disease you are either cursed or blessed.

Neil thinks that maybe… _just maybe_ … if he has the hanahaki disease, it would be a blessing for him. Maybe that’s the kind of motivation he needed to confess his undying love for Shaun.

~o~oOo~o~

It’s already night time by the time Neil finished all of the paperworks that are due next week. He is already done tidying up his desk. He left his office and went to the elevators. As he begins to descend down in to the lobby of the hospital, Neil ponders if Shaun already went home or if Shaun is still in the hospital. Neil knows that tomorrow he and Shaun gets the day off, and Neil is wondering if he could somehow convince Shaun to hang out with him tomorrow.

As Neil exited the elevators, he noticed that the door in the room where his resident’s lockers are located is open, Neil decided to check out the room hoping to see Shaun before he went home. As he peeks inside, he slowly opened the door as not to startle if someone is really there. When he was able to fully open the door, his eyes scanned the whole room and was shocked to see the scene in front of him.

Jared looked up from his phone as he heard the door slowly open, Jared was shocked to see Neil standing in the doorway, looking at him with an expression Jared had never seen in Neil’s face. “It’s not what it looks like Dr. Melendez” Jared didn’t know why but, he feels the need to explain his current predicament to Neil.

Because what Neil is seeing is that Shaun is currently sleeping with a peaceful expression in his face, in any other day Neil would admire Shaun’s look but right now he feels far from it. Because right now, Shaun is currently sleeping in Jared’s shoulder, the two of them are sitting on the cold ground, with Shaun’s head places perfectly in between Jared’s shoulder and neck. Neil knows that it is irrational to want to punch Jared preferably right in the face, but right now Neil could feel his fist clenched the longer he looks at them. Anger and jealousy slowly bubbling inside of him.

Before Neil’s thought becomes more irrational, Jared and Neil saw Shaun is starting to wake up. He opened his eyes, even though he literally just woke up, they could still see that Shaun is still tired. Neil’s expression softens as he went closer to the two of them; Neil then kneels in front of Shaun, not sparing any glance at Jared. “Are you still tired Shaun?” Neil softly asked Shaun

“I don’t understand… I get enough sleep every day, but I’m still so tired” Shaun mumbled as he raise his head away from Jared’s shoulder, Shaun looked at Neil “I’m fine though” Shaun averted his gaze away from Neil as he looked at Jared “Thank you Jared” Shaun offered him a smile as Jared also returned it. Neil’s earlier emotion slowly returning to him as he glanced between the two. “ _Are they…?”_ Neil’s thoughts was cut off when Jared spoke up.

“It’s no problem Shaun” Jared slowly stood up as he brushed the dust off is pants, Jared seems to contemplate whether he should assist Shaun into also standing up. But when Jared looked at Neil’s expression he decided not to “See you on your next shift Shaun” and with that Jared left the two of them alone in the locker room.

“I should go home” Shaun said but he made no effort to stand up from the floor “On the second thought, maybe I’ll take another quick nap before heading home”

Neil smiles at Shaun his early emotions gone along with Jared’s exit. “Take a quick nap Shaun, I’ll be here when you wake up then I will take you home”

Shaun looked at Neil with a surprise expression but before Shaun could talk Neil instantly says that “Do you honestly think I would leave you Shaun?” Neil finally sat down besides Shaun a silent offer that needed no words from Neil as he knows Shaun would understand him, and Shaun did as Shaun carefully placed his head into the space between his shoulder and neck. And Neil for the first time felt warm and happy by the simple gesture. _Shaun trusts him_. “I’ll be here for you Shaun” Neil whispered

It didn’t take long for Shaun to fall asleep again, and Neil is sure that if someone finds them at this position they would question the status of their relationship but Neil can’t bring himself to care especially the way Shaun’s body seemingly relax when he is in his presence. How he dreams everyday to be this close to Shaun, so Neil closes his eyes to savour the small but precious moment between the two of them.

After an hour Shaun finally wakes up, and he looked a little bit better than he is when he woke up not long ago, Neil offered if Shaun would want to stay with him for the night since tomorrow the two of them have their day off. Shaun easily agrees and Neil doesn’t have the right words to describe how happy he is that Shaun agrees. While Shaun is gathering his things from the locker, Neil went to the door and is surprise to find it locked. A small smile creeps its way into Neil’s lips as he realizes that Jared must have locked the door the moment he left, as if saying that no one should bother the both of them.

And well Neil knows to appreciate his residents more.

~o~oOo~o~

It’s in the late morning when Shaun finally wakes up from his sleep. He knows that he is in Neil’s house, having accepted Neil’s offer yesterday night to spend the night at his home and to spend the rest of the day with just the two of them. Shaun picked up his phone and looked at the time, _10 am_ that was so unlike him to wake up this late, it doesn’t matter if he has the day off today.

Shaun slowly got out of bed as he slips on his footwear. He left room to go downstairs and was surprised to see Neil in the kitchen. “Good morning Neil” Shaun said as he sat down at the dining table that was close to the kitchen where Neil currently is cooking something. Neil faced him, a small contented smile decorating his lips

“Good morning Shaun, I’m glad to see you finally awake. I’m starting to think that I would have to wake you up just to eat” Neil carried over two plates and placed one of them in front of Shaun, Shaun smiled at the contents of his plates. They started eating in peace with the occasional small talks between them.

Shaun thinks if he somehow lost all of his feelings for Neil, he would surely miss this _domestic_ feeling Shaun has whenever they both spend time in Neil’s home. Shaun thinks that, he is lucky to experience this and wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. He just hopes that Neil would somehow forgive him if he manages to hurt him in the process of Shaun protecting him from the inevitable pain the both of them would surely experience.

~o~oOo~o~

It’s late in the afternoon when Shaun and Neil decided to waste their day off by watching different movies that are available on Netflix. They just finished their 3rd movie of the day when Shaun suddenly gazed at the piano that Neil has in his living room

“Do you know that I could play the piano?”

Neil almost fell down in his couch into the floors upon hearing what Shaun said. Shaun looked at him and he could see Shaun trying not to smile as he knows what almost happened. “You can play the piano?”

Shaun’s expression says that he is amused by Neil’s question “You don’t?” There is a small smile in Shaun’s lips that Neil thinks is contagious because he is smiling too, he knows Shaun is teasing him “Why would you buy a piano when you don’t know how to play Neil? That’s like wasting a lot of money”

Neil felt like he needed to defend himself “Hey the piano looks good at the living room that’s why I bought it” Shaun gently pinched Neil’s foot “Stop wasting money Neil you should start saving up”

Neil would retaliate by also pinching Shaun but before he got the chance to, Shaun suddenly stood up and moved away from him. As if sensing that Neil would most likely return what he did to him. Shaun sat down in front of the piano as he slowly opened the lid. Neil stood up from the couch as he closes the distance between the two of them. Neil chooses to stand rather than sitting down next to Shaun.

“Do you want me to play something for you?” Shaun turned his back to look at Neil as he saw Neil smiles at him and nods. Shaun ponders for about a minute on what he should play for Neil. After a while of thinking Shaun suddenly thought to play the song he first heard the first time Neil had driven him home after a long day of work, It was the song that played out in Neil’s car and it left quite the impression in Shaun, _Closer You and I_ , he would never forget the title of the song. Shaun decided that if he was going to play something for Neil, he might as well sing it also.

Shaun positioned his fingers over the keys of the piano, after taking a deep breath Shaun began to move his finger. He closed his eyes as melody fills the room.

**_‘Hey, there's a look in your eyes, Must be love at first sight’_** Shaun heard Neil take a sharp deep breath, as if he was not expecting that Shaun would also sing for him. Shaun smiled the lyrics he sang, ironic Shaun thinks. _Because he knows that what he felt for Neil didn’t happen at first fight but rather it happened slowly but surely._

**_‘You were just part of a dream, Nothing more so it seemed’_ **

_A dream that Shaun wishes he could have for forever, but he knows that isn’t possible because he knows, that every time you dream, you would also have to eventually wake up in the reality you live in._

**_‘But my love couldn't wait much longer…Just can't forget the picture of your smile’_ **

_Neil’s smiles that have saved him more than once, the gentle smiles that Neil sends his way that conveys thousands of unsaid words. Simply because that smile is more than enough to keep Shaun feeling safe, protected and even loved._

**_'Coz everytime I close my eyes, You come alive’_ **

_Shaun knows that he is truly contented with what he has between the two of them, but he can’t help himself sometimes, he closes his eyes as he imagines a world wherein Neil would love him back the way he loves him._

**_‘The closer I get to touching you, The closer I get to loving you’_ **

_How Shaun finds the lyrics so fitting to what he truly feels for Neil_

****

**_‘Give it time…Just a little more time, We'll be together’_ **

_Shaun could almost laugh at the irony, because he knows deep down he really needs all the time he could get. The little time he has to be with Neil because he is dying._

**_‘Every little smile…That special smile’_ **

_That smile that Shaun would forever keep in his mind, the special smile that Neil only shows when its just the two of them alone._

**_‘The twinkle in your eye…In a little while. Give it time, Just a little more time. So we can get closer, You and I’_ **

_Shaun hopes that he could somehow freeze every moment he has with Neil, freeze it and store it somewhere he could always go back and look at those moments where Neil and him are truly happy._

**_‘Then could I love you more, So much stronger than before’_ **

_Shaun could remember every single little thing he encounters, but somehow, he can’t pinpoint the exact time he fell in love with Neil. It started as a small infatuation until it grew into something Shaun can’t stop, it turned into love. The same kind of love, that is killing him painfully and slowly._

**_‘Why does it seem like a dream…So much more so it seems’_ **

_Shan knows he could live his dream to be with Neil if he would just have the courage to confess, but he is scared of losing Neil. And Shaun would rather dream for eternity than to lose what he already has._

**_‘I guess I found my inspiration’_ **

_And his ambition to strive, to work harder not just for him, but for the people around him. A hollyhock flower symbolizes ambition, maybe that’s why that’s the flower that grew inside of him after all Neil wa the one who gave him the ambition he has right now_

**_‘With just one smile, you take my breath away. So hold me close….and say you'll stay with me now’_ **

_Shaun wants to cry as he sang this part, because he truly knows that he can’t stay besides Neil. Not after he developed the disease that he has right now. How could you stay with someone who won’t know who you are…? A complete stranger…_

**_‘The closer I get to touching you…The closer I get to loving you. Give it time…Just a little more time. So we can get closer…You and I’_ **

_“Just a little more time with him…please”_

Shaun finally opened his eyes as the song finally come to an end, Shaun feels light. He was happy that he was able indirectly confess his feelings to Neil through playing and singing for him. Shaun turned as he looks at Neil. He could see stray tears have trickled down Neil’s face, his brown eyes shone as unshed tears continue to pool in his eyes.

Neil suddenly went beside him and engulfed Shaun into a hug, Shaun knows that he shouldn’t read too much into this hug, because he knows that _it’s just a hug. But_ Shaun must be imagining it, because he would never believe it… not until Neil tells him that.

But as Neil tightens his arms around him, he could feel Neil’s silent plea…And Shaun for the first time just doesn’t know what Neil is trying to tell him through this hug.

“ _Shaun”_ Neil whispered brokenly as his voice cracks because of his silent crying the moment he gets his arms around Shaun _‘I… I love you’_ Neil prays that Shaun could hear his thoughts right now

Shaun hugs Neil back, Shaun knows he is giving himself false hope… but he could feel the desperation in Neil’s action. He could hear what Neil is trying to convey but he knows, Shaun knows that he is asking for too much. But he could dream, after all that’s what Shaun has been doing for a while now.

_‘I love you too Neil’_

~o~oOo~o~

It’s been a week since the last time Shaun got to hang out in Neil’s home. They both became very busy right after having their day off, until this week. They could only be together during surgeries, and eating in the cafeteria together with the other residents.

Neil and his residents are having a bad week, since Monday there have been huge accident that required all of them to assist, multiple casualties keep happening. Plus the every growing amount of paperworks that seems to pile up every day despite _doing them every single day._ It’ already Friday and Neil is very thankful for the fact because h could really use a break because this week has been very stressful for all of them, even Claire and Alex seems to just want to sleep the whole week away, and those two are his most resilient resident.

Neil also noticed that Shaun’s condition got worst, but Shaun made sure that his tiredness never got the way of his work and Neil truly commends him for that. And while he knows that Shaun is really hiding something from him, it irritates him so much that Neil knows _Jared knows what exactly is happening to Shaun._ Neil is aware that he shouldn’t feel anger and jealousy towards Jared because he knows that him and Shaun are _friends_. But Neil can’t help but think how come Jared gets to know what Shan is hiding _but not him_. Did Shaun not trust him? Did Neil _gave him a reason_ to not trust him? Neil thoughts become more and more irrational as he racks his brain for a reasonable reason on why Shaun _seemingly trusts Jared more than him._ If it comes to worst, Neil could assume that Jared and Shaun _are more than friends_. Neil shivered at the thought, as far as he knows, Jared is very much straight thus he can’t be interested in Shaun…right? Neil seriously thinks that if Jared and Shaun have a romantic relationship with each other, Neil is afraid of what he could do. _Afraid to see Shaun with someone other than him_ , Afraid that if Shaun can’t find his happiness with Neil, then… Neil would make sure it wouldn’t be from anyone either.

~o~oOo~o~

“Claire, you and Kalu dated right?”

Claire looked up from the tablet she is currently holding, Neil was looking at her expecting a clear and direct answer from her “Yes, though looking back, it wasn’t one of the best I had” After break up Claire and Jared actually became good friends, they worked better than how they worked when in an relationship.

“Is Kalu… is he interested in both gender?” Neil knows he is asking an awfully personal question but he doesn’t care, he just wants to know whether or not he lost his chance to have Shaun.

In any other day, Claire would have laugh at the real underlying question Neil asked him. But somehow the moment Claire met Neil’s eyes, she suddenly felt that whatever she would answer would have a serious consequences, Claire suddenly felt heavy as the tension in the room rises which she finds disturbing because it’s just her and Neil. She swallowed heavily “Jared… he told me that it gender doesn’t matter to him, as long as he loves the person, he would pursue them.”

Claire saw the way Neil clenched his fist and his jaw suddenly tightens, Neil’s eyes slightly narrows as if saying he didn’t like what he heard. “Is that so… I would appreciate it if you won’t tell anyone about this conversation.” Neil left even without waiting for her confirmation, which means she could guess that Neil’s statement _wasn’t_ a request… **but an order.**

~o~oOo~o~

Neil could feel his mood is starting to affect the others around him, even Morgan seems wary of being near him. He knows that he should calm down and think rationally again, but every time he thinks that Shaun and Jared are _probably_ in a secret relationship, he can’t help it but whishing it was him instead. He knows _he could_ treat Shaun even better than Jared, but he was just a coward. And his cowardness cost him to lose Shaun to another person.

Neil badly wants this day to finish so he could go home and blow off some steam of anger that he is currently feeling towards Jared. He doesn’t want to have their relationship as colleague to be strained simply because Neil wants Jared to be gone if ever he and Shaun are indeed together as a couple.

Neil is dead set on avoiding Kalu until his shift ends which would be about an hour from now. But well…Neil should have known by now that his plans can somehow be foiled.

Because once again Neil is outside his resident’s locker room he was leaning on the side wall, the door is wide open for some reason. He could hear two voices inside the room, and it belongs to Jared and Shaun. He wasn’t eavesdropping; Neil was just… listening unintentionally to the conversation. But alas he can’t really hear anything because it seems like Jared and Shaun are determine not to let anyone hear them. When Neil heard Shaun getting ready to leave, Neil immediately hid behind the wall as he waited until Shaun was inside the elevator before coming out behind the wall.

Neil could feel the exhaustion and irrationality win over him as he strides inside the locker room, he saw Jared closing up his locker as he gathers his things.

“Are you and Shaun dating?” Neil knows that he should have thought this more through, because he knows his tone wasn’t exactly pleasant to begin with. But well, Neil doesn’t intent to be pleasant with him.

He could feel Jared suddenly looks at him, irritated by how Neil is currently addressing him. It’s been a very long day and Jared just wants to go home and rest, so he doesn’t understand why Neil is looking at him this way “Excuse me?”

Neil narrowed his eyes ever so slightly “I asked you if you are dating Shaun” 

Jared straightens his shoulder as he tries not to match the obvious hostility Neil is currently giving him; instead of offering a direct answer Jared decided to go with “With all due respect **_sir_** but I fail to see how that is any of your business”

Neil knows that when Jared addressed with him sir he could practically hear the sarcasm dripping in his words, that didn’t sit well with Neil “You really want to use that tone with me **_Kalu_**?”

Jared immediately knows that Neil isn’t playing games right now; he has never seen Neil like this before and well… Jared is starting to get _terrified_ of Neil. Jared took a deep breath “I’m sorry Dr. Melendez it’s been long day” Jared could see that Neil also realizes his mistake as he watched Neil massage his temple “And to answer your question properly, no. Shaun and I are not dating. I like Shaun but I just like him as a friend nothing more and nothing less.” Jared smiles as he could practically see Neil instantly relaxes upon hearing those words come out of him “You don’t have to worry Neil, you won’t have any competition for Shaun’s affection, when you know, you two manage to just confess to each other already”

Jared laughs as he saw Neil’s expression; all the tension earlier has completely vanished like it didn’t exist in the first place. Neil shortly also laughs along with Jared, he looks at Jared eyes shines with appreciation “Thank you Jared” Neil said ask he pat Jared in his shoulder

Jared returned Neil’s look with a small genuine smile “Anytime Neil” Jared said as both of them left the locker room.

~o~oOo~o~

It was already quarter past 9 when Shaun was finally able to go home; it was a real tiring week for all of them. Add to that, Shaun could already feel himself getting worse and worse, the constant stress is really taking a toll on his already tired body, from one shot per day, it became 3 shots. Every time he would inject himself in the hospital, Shaun wants nothing more than to just sleep the whole day, but he knows he can’t not when there are patients that needed him.

Shaun knows that all of the other residents are starting to catch up on him, _they know_ something was wrong with him. He is thankful for Jared, because as the man sad so himself, he really did keep his condition a secret even though Shaun knows that Jared is probably being interrogated by his fellow residents when it comes to him.

Since Jared was the only one who knows his condition beside Aaron, Shaun would often seek out Jared for some advice on what he should do. After playing and singing for Neil a week ago, Shaun _felt_ that maybe Neil feels the same way, _the same way how Shaun feels for Neil._ After a week f thinking about it, Shaun decided with the help of Jared, that he would finally, _finally_ , confess to Neil this Sunday. It’s a simple plan, Neil and Shaun already has plans on spending the weekend together in Neil’s home. So Shaun would probably just tell him already how he felt for the other man. 

_This Sunday…_

He heard his phone chimed, indicating that he received a new message. Upon unlocking it, a small smile graces his lips, seeing that Neil was the one who messaged him.

** Neil: I hope you arrived home safe Shaun, are you still okay with going here on Sunday? **

** Shaun: Yes of course.  **

****

** Neil: Alright… Good night Shaun rest well, it’s been a really rough week for the all of us. See you soon Shaun. **

****

Shaun’s smiles widen as he read Neil’s message. Ever since the both of them got really close, way before he started developing feelings for Neil, it’s a common occurrence for the both of them to text each other even if it is not work related. Before Shaun could type a message, he could already feel his throat tickle once more for probably the 6th time in just that day. He quickly set aside his phone as he rush to the bathroom, once he was in front of the sink, instead of the dry and heavy coughing he is expecting, Shaun suddenly lurches forward as dry and grating cough made its way to his mouth. _It hurts so much_ Shaun thought as the coughing fit becomes mellow, he looked at the bloodied sink in front of him, and it looked like someone vomited blood. _He looked like he vomited blood_.

Shaun stared at the sink in disbelief, instead of seeing one hollyhock flower, he saw three. He averted his gaze from the sink to the mirror in front of him; he could see blood trickling down his chin. Shaun closed his eyes as he sinks down on his knees, he suddenly doesn’t have the strength to stand. His legs feels like jelly that can’t support his body weight all of the sudden. After a while of heavy breathing, Shaun started seeing black spots covering his vision. _He is just so tired all of the sudden_. Shaun just wanted to close his eyes and sleep. But before he could fully submerge his sleep into unconsciousness, Shaun’s final thoughts were…

_I never got the chance to answer Neil back._

~o~oOo~o~

Aaron was able to come home at approximately 9:30 pm, he already saw Shaun’s coat hanging in the coat rack in the entry of his home. So he is expecting to see Shaun in the kitchen or even in the living room. “Shaun? Are you here?” Aaron tried calling him out but was met with silence. Aaron could feel dread creeping inside of him but he ignored it, and dismisses it thinking it was paranoia.

Aaron saw the bathroom lights open, Aaron open the bathroom door and all the dread he was feeling earlier has come back full force as he saw the bathroom sink filled with blood and Shaun is unconscious on the floor blood is evident in his chin. Aaron immediately kneeled down to Shaun’s level

“Shaun! Shaun!“ Aaron shakes Shaun trying so hard to get any verbal response from the younger man, but he was met with complete silence. Aaron went to check on pulse on Shaun, wrist, he was relieved when he felt a pulse. It was weak, and _getting weaker_.

_Shaun needs the surgery right now_.

Aaron knows that if he let the disease stay longer, it would kill Shaun. And he can’t afford _to also lose him_. He fished out his phone out of his pocket and dialled the only person he knows could help Shaun right now, Aaron is just hoping he would pick up.

_For Shaun’s sake_

~o~oOo~o~

Marcus Andrews rarely gets surprised, because he knows that you should always expect the unexpected. But he couldn’t, _he wouldn’t_ , expect to receive a call from the President of the hospital, from Aaron Glasssman himself this late at night.

It was disturbing to hear the older man so stressed and distraught. Apparently after calming down Aaron, Marcus learned that _Shaun Murphy_ has the infamous hanahaki disease, and that he is in need of an emergency surgery to remove it because it is killing _Shaun_. Aaron personally ordered him and Lim to do the surgery themselves, no residents that are close with Shaun.

“Out of all the surgery I had done… this will probably the one I will hate the most” Marcus heard Lim whispered beside him, the two of them are waiting for Aaron’s arrival with Shaun. Aaron decided to drive Shaun to the hospital himself instead of calling for an ambulance. Him and Lim are currently in front of the hospital doors, together with a couple of night shifts residents and a gurney.

Marcus looked at the somber look that is decorating Lim’s face, Marcus looked away knowing that the both of them are sharing the same dread they are about to witness first hand. “Who do you think it is? The one who Shaun Murphy is willing to die for?”

Lim looked at Marcus eyes conveying several emotions that Marcus couldn’t tell even if he had the time to, Lim looked at the front doors, a distant look in her eyes “I might had the idea who”

Understanding dawns into Marcus, but before he could do anything about its they saw Aaron’s car arrive.

And well, they are doctors who had a job to do, _a job to save a dying person._

~o~oOo~o~

Shaun woke up feeling groggy and disoriented, he tried to take into account his surroundings. But all he could make out is that he is apparently in a hospital room, _he could just do not understand why_. He can’t remember anything that might explain why he is here, did he overwork himself again?

After a while, Shaun heard the front door open. “Glad to see you awake Shaun, you gave us quite the scare back then.”

Shaun noticed that Marcus is tense but he tried to come off as light and teasing, Shaun chose not to comment on the obvious tension Marcus is giving off right now. “Dr. Andrews what happened to me? I… I can’t remember anything”

Shaun saw that Marcus’s eyes harden, like Marcus is debating about _something_ , and Shaun knows that whatever happened to him, Marcus can’t truthfully answer him. “We… Dr. Lim and I had to perform an emergency surgery to you Shaun, last Friday night. You have been asleep for a whole day now, and don’t worry it is normal. After all your body is still recovering”

Shaun knows, _he knows_ , that Marcus purposively avoided his question. But before he could ask him any further the doors open. And Shaun didn’t miss the sigh of relief Marcus has discreetly did. “Shaun I’m so glad you are awake”

Aaron went besides the bed of Shaun, sitting down at the chair that was provided by the room. Shaun smiled at Aaron “I’m sorry for making you worry Aaron” Aaron chuckled at Shaun, as Aaron brushed the stray of brown hair away from Shaun’s forehead “You always make me worry Shaun, but it’s okay”

Marcus smiled at the scene in front of him, it was refreshing to see Aaron looking so relaxed and looking so young. “Well then excuse me; I have to see other patients. Glad to see you okay Shaun, rest well” before Marcus could fully leave the room he heard Aaron say “Thank you Marcus, and I’m sorry” Marcus is glad that he was facing away from the both of them as Marcus suddenly closes his eyes in despair, as he remembered the night of the surgery.

**_As they are wheeling Shaun towards the surgery room, Marcus and Lim was surprised to see Shaun trying so hard to open his eyes, and when he did. Lim and Marcus could exactly see that Shaun’s eyes dawned in understanding, what is about to happen to him. So with all the strength Shaun has, he removed the oxygen mask that was put into him to help him breathe._ **

****

**_Upon removing the oxygen mask, Shaun took a few struggling breaths before look at Marcus. Marcus could feel his breath knocked out of him, his heart heavy as Shaun’s eyes conveys thousands of unsaid words that Marcus could somehow understand the meaning behind the look that Shaun is giving him. Marcus could hear Lim take a sharp breath across from him, seemingly understanding the look on Shaun’s eyes and expression_ **

****

**_“Please… tell him that…I’m sorry. I’m sorry” Shaun struggles to talk as air around his lungs seemingly gone, but Shan continues even though he feels multiple daggers stabbing him in the lungs repeatedly each time he utters words. It hurts so much but Shaun… Shaun knows he should at least be able to tell someone… anyone “I hope… Neil would be able to forgive me… I tried so hard… so hard to keep these feelings deep within me… I don’t ever want to let them go… because he… he kept me going. Neil… I love him… so much that I am willing to suffer through the pain for him… just to be with him… I want to be with him so much…” Shaun’s tears kept on falling but he has no strength to wipe them “Tell him… I’m sorry…. I hope he could forgive me and…” Shaun could feel his eyes starting to get heavy, he just wants to rest… “And that… I know that within myself that…I’ll once again love him.” Shaun looked at Marcus directly “I will love him once again. And I am willing to go through every pain I felt…” Shaun smiled, a smile that won’t reach his eyes “If that means that… I get to stay with him”_ **

****

Marcus snapped back in reality as he felt himself leaned heavily just outside the door room of Shaun’s hospital room. Marcus could feel his eyes water ever so slightly as he recalled what happened. After the surgery Lim and Marcus felt so heavy that neither of them stayed to discuss what happened. They just went home after the surgery.

Marcus felt his heart heavy; he wonders… how can someone like Shaun can suffer like that. Marcus never felt that kind of intensity of love, the kind of love that knows would literally kill you. But Shaun… he just wanted to be by Neil’s side.

Marcus let a few tears escape his eyes, Marcus felt like he saw a once in a lifetime kind of love that he knows that Shaun could only provide.

_The world is really unfair…_

Marcus right then and there, steeled himself with resolution on what he should do next. Consequences be damn, Marcus thinks. _He won’t let Shaun’s love for Neil be wasted_. Not when Marcus could do something about it.

~o~oOo~o~

After talking to Aaron about what happened to him. Shaun can’t help but overthink how did he let himself get this worst. He is a doctor he knows that if he had the surgery earlier, he would not suffer from the effects of the disease and the medicines. Shaun _knows_ that it is irrational to throw away your life to someone who won’t do the same

_So why?_

Why did he? Why did he almost die just for this one person? Just… Just how special he is to Shaun? Shaun tried every logical reason he can think of, like who is this person in the first place, why would Shaun go through the pain and suffering just for him?

Shaun wasn’t able to get much answer from Aaron because Aaron was suddenly called for a meeting by the board. Shaun looked at the table beside him, he picked up his phone to check the time.

**_3:00 PM, Sunday_ **

_Sunday…_ Why does Shaun feel like he should be doing something _very important_ today? He can’t help the nagging feeling and the thought that he had.

_If I only I had just a little more time…_

Time for what exactly? Shaun closed his eyes as exhaustion slowly took over him. Shaun thinks that he is just overthinking everything. After recovering he would be back to spending time with his resident friend and… Shaun’s eyes suddenly opened _and who?_ He is friends with Jared, Alex, Claire and Morgan. Shaun _knows_ like it’s on the tip of his tongue, like it’s embedded at the back of his head. He knows that he is missing someone important… someone… but….

_Who?_

~o~oOo~o~

Neil was called into Marcus’s office during his day off, it is Sunday. Neil was actually waiting for Shaun the whole morning but, Shaun isn’t answering his texts back. Neil grew worried every hour that is passing. There is a heavy feeling he couldn’t shake off, so when Marcus called him and personally asked him to come into the hospital for today, Neil knows the dread he is feeling would be much worst.

Upon arriving at Marcus’s office, Marcus when straight to the point, and he truly appreciates Marcus for that. Every word, every sentence Marcus tells him is like a stab to his heart. Marcus told him _everything_ the surgery, what Shaun told them before the surgery, and how Shaun is doing right now. After all of that, Marcus patted Neil on the shoulder, and Neil almost _cries_ because he knows that Marcus is also taking all of this real hard. Marcus left Neil, they have been friends for a long time now, and Marcus knows that Neil needs to be alone for the moment.

Neil didn’t know how long he sat there alone in Marcus’s office, how long has he been crying. Neil wants to scream, to be angry _with himself_ , if only… if only they had just a little more time.

_If only Neil had the strength to make the first move_.

Neil thinks it’s unfair that he put Shaun through all the pain and suffering, _Neil hates his self_. All the pain and suffering Shaun has suffered, wasn’t worth it was if Neil is the one Shaun would suffer for.

Neil eventually was able to calm himself down, he tighten his fist as he knows what he should do next. Resolution and determination coursing through his body.

_Don’t worry Shaun, I’ll make you remember everything. I love you so much. Just wait a little longer… and we will be together I promise_

~o~oOo~o~

It’s been a month since his surgery, and Shaun is doing well. After everything has settled down, he was able to tell all his friends what really happened to him, he got various of reaction. Jared hugged him a little too tight while mumbling out a series of apology, Claire cried and said that she was sorry because she wasn’t there for him, Alex and Morgan looked at him with an expression Shaun can’t figure out what is the meaning behind it, though Morgan took him out to dinner at one of the café near the hospital saying that it’s her way of comforting Shaun. He really appreciates his friends.

During the month Shaun was able to meet the person he apparently _fell in love with_. _Neil Melendez._ And as Shaun expected, he can’t remember _anything_ about him. Though Shaun didn’t know but… the moment he re-met Neil he feels like… he feels like everything feels right. He feels like… everything he thought that he did irrationally during the times of pain, he felt as if he could… _he would_ _do it all over again_. And surprisingly Shaun _is okay with that thought_.

And Shaun was glad that, he once again, fell in love back with Neil.

**_Shaun was called into Neil’s office after 3 weeks of surgery. Apparently Shaun fell in love with his attending and therefore they would have to re-meet again. Shaun feels ridiculous, out of all the person he could fall in love with, it just has to be his boss. Shaun closes his eyes as he tried to calm down a bit. Shaun prays that their meeting wouldn’t be as awkward as he thought it would be, because Shaun knows that he had the surgery it simply meant that this person didn’t returned his feelings._ **

****

**_Shaun knocked into the door before coming in. The moment his blue eyes landed on Neil, Shaun somehow can understand why he fell in love with him the first time._ **

****

**_Neil looked up from his tablet as he heard Shaun entered, his brown quartz eyes met aquamarine one’s. And Neil thinks that he won’t ever get tired of seeing Shaun. Even though Neil knows the Shaun in front of him is a complete stranger. His could feel his heart tightened at the thought but he pushed it aside. He wouldn’t let Shaun gone again, this time he would make sure Shaun would be with him._ **

****

**_Shaun doesn’t know but… he likes the look on Neil’s eyes. Shaun feels… safe and protected the moment his eyes met Neil’s eyes. It’s a strange feeling to have with someone you literally just met. But Shaun can’t help himself smile a little at the warmth he was feeling. He sat down in front of Neil as he waits for the other man to speak up first._ **

****

**_Neil just smiles at him, and Shaun thinks he would want to see that everyday “How are you feeling Shaun?”_ **

****

**_“I feel fine sir, it’s been weeks since the surgery and I am currently able to work”_ **

****

**_Neil chuckled at the way Shaun addresses him, to be called sir by the person who he loves so much “Come on Shaun, don’t call me sir. You never did.” Neil teasingly said as he saw Shaun blushed a little at his remark “Neil… you should call me Neil.”_ **

****

**_“Okay… Neil.” Shaun liked the way the name sounds like “Can I ask you a question Neil?” Shaun wants answers, so he would get one. Even though he knows it would probably hurt him._ **

****

**_“You can ask me anything Shaun, as long as it is you”_ **

****

**_The way Neil said it with so much sincerity made Shaun smile gently, if… if this is how he felt every time he is with Neil, then Shaun fully understands why he felt in love with him the first place._ **

****

**_“Did you not loved me back?”_ **

****

**_Neil smiles sadly, Neil looked directly at Shaun. Brown eyes meeting with his blue ones, and Shaun felt… felt love. Shaun could feel his heart skip a beat because of the look Neil is currently giving him._ **

****

**_“I love you more than anyone and anything Shaun. I love you so much that all I wanted to be is the person who you can depend on and who would love you unconditionally” Neil stood up and he kneeled in front of Shaun his hand large warm hands taking Shaun’s own hands holding them gently as if Neil is afraid that he would leave him. “I love you so much Shaun, more than words could describe” Neil gently brings Shaun’s back hand close to his lips as he place a small kiss in it. Neil looked up to Shaun, a special smile decorating his lips. Shaun wanted to cry when he saw how gentle Neil looked, Shaun wanted to cry because of the intensity of the love he could feel coming out of Neil._ **

****

**_Neil adjusted the way he was kneeling so he could lean his forehead against Shaun’s forehead, their lips almost touching “I love you Shaun, and this time…” Neil placed a single lingering kiss upon Shaun’s forehead “This time… I promise you, we will be happy together. I will make you the happiest than you ever did. Just be mine and only mine”_ **

****

**_Shaun let a few tears escape his eyes, he could feel the pure love and devotion that Neil is giving him. Shaun closed his eyes as he tries to stop the tears from falling “Okay” Shaun mumbled_ **

****

**_Neil’s smile could light up a whole city, Neil carefully wipes the tears in Shaun’s face “Okay” he whispered back lovingly._ **

****

~o~oOo~o~

Neil could feel himself getting nervous, which he knows it stupid because they have done this a million of times already. Well in Neil’s case yes, but in Shaun? It would be their first official date.

Neil wanted to put in effort with the simple dinner he prepared for Shaun, he cleaned the whole house until he is sure you could eat in any surface, he cooked a meal for two, and made sure he looked presentable for Shaun.

As he was done with everything he planned, he went inside his bedroom to retrieve the bouquet of _dark red carnations,_ Neil smiles as he recalls that he had a hard time choosing between the classic red rose or the much more meaning full dark red carnation that he is currently holding. He opened the bedside drawer and he was mesmerized to see that even after a month of storage, the simple singular flower sitting inside the drawer is still looking fresh.

**_After coming back home from Marcus’s office Neil felt miserable. Neil didn’t know what to do. He wanted to go to Shaun and just be with him already, but Neil knows that, if he went to see Shaun, he would be greeted with a total stranger looking back at him, and Neil knows that his heart can’t take that kind of pain._ **

****

**_Neil sat down in his bed, feeling it creaks due to his weight. Neil decided that he would still pursue Shaun, but Neil knows he can’t be selfish._ **

****

**_He needs to let Shaun go, to save Shaun the pain. He loves Shaun too much to let him go all through it again. He would let Shaun go… he has too, and it hurts him so much to do so. But that’s the right thing to do._ **

****

**_Neil suddenly felt his throat tickled, he then had the sudden urge to cough so he did. After his coughing has died down. He stared at the flower that he is currently holding. Neil doesn’t know if he should cry or laugh. So apparently he now got the hanahaki disease._ **

****

**_Neil thinks he is lucky; he would die the same way Shaun almost died. Not a bad way to go, Neil thinks._ **

****

**_He stared at the flower before realizing that instead petals that he should have coughed up, he coughed up a fully blossomed flower. But it’s not tainted with blood, so it’s yellow and white vibrant color is in full display. Neil took his time to admire the beautiful flower in front of him. He knows from legend that the hanahaki disease just doesn’t let you cough up random flowers, he knows that every person would cough up flowers that symbolizes something. It could symbolize the person itself, it could symbolize what the person you love wants to tell you, or Neil’s favourite to believe is that the meaning of the flower you coughed up will mean what the person you love would want you to have or do. Like if you coughed up a rose, the person you love, loves you back and want to have a romantic relationship with you._ **

****

**_Neil opened up his phone to search for the meaning of the flower he is holding, and the moment he did learned the meaning of the flower…_ **

****

**_Neil earlier thoughts have completely vanishes. Screw everything…he would have Shaun back even if it’s the last thing he would do._ **

****

**_Neil laughed and gently smiles as he stared at the Daffoldil flower he was holding._ **

****

**_Neil thinks that at the end of everything daffoldil would be his favourite flower._ **

****

~o~oOo~o~

****

Neil snapped away from his thoughts as he heard the doorbell rung, signalling that someone was at the door. Neil immediately left his bedroom and placed the dark red carnation into the dining table where the food is already ready.

Before opening the door, he straightens his clothing and brushed his hair a little bit to look presentable for Shaun.

The moment he opened the door, he was greeted by the man that Neil swore he would marry one day, the person he could see himself growing old with. The very same person he would die for

Neil smiles as he hugs Shaun around his waist, He could feel Shaun returned the hug as he could feel Shaun’s arms wraps around his neck, he could feel Shaun’s face buried in the space between his shoulder and neck.

Neil breathes, as he savors the warmth Shaun is currently giving him. Neil ever so slightly hugs Shaun tighter. When they parted from the hug, he gave Shaun a simple smile which the other man returned easily

_“It’s nice to see you Neil”_ Shaun whispered as Neil closes the distances between their lips, Neil’s hand in currently resting at the back of his neck while the other is securely placed at his back, while Shaun grips Neil’s suit to steady himself, but before their lips could truly touch Neil smiles, _“It’s nice to see you too Shaun”._ And well, the small distance between their lips completely vanishes.

No words were further needed as they let themselves get lost at the blissful feeling they are currently experiencing. Neil thinks that if this is what it feels like to be with Shaun…

_Then Neil would gladly savor, create and treasure every moment he gets to be with this amazing man in front of him. Neil would work hard just to prove his pure unconditional love for Shaun._

_And he knows Shaun would do the same for him, after all, they did fell in love with each other again._

~o~oOo~o~

**:"D**


End file.
